This is one of the things that sucks about doing this on-line column. I have had one of those weeks where, quite frankly, nothing happened. It was just me, lying on the couch, doing nothing. That makes for very poor reading for an on-line column. What am I supposed to do, talk about how comfy the couch is and complain that Power Rangers is in to summer reruns? I don't like writing about stuff like that, and I'm sure you don't like reading about it. So, what am I supposed to write about?

I could write about one of the recurring jokes that happened to me this week. Really late on Monday I was looking forward to watching the launch of the shuttle Columbia. People rag on the space program for being too expensive when there are lots of problems here on earth that should be fixed, but a live shuttle launch on TV is still a good show. So, there I was on Monday night all primed to watch Colonel Eileen Collins become the first woman shuttle captain when, at t-7 seconds the launch was scrubbed! Stupid sensor glitch. So, two days later, I was all ready and primed to watch it again. But, mother nature fated it not to be, and thunderstorms delayed the launch. Again. I was getting fed up. So, Thursday night. Last chance for me and NASA. It went off without a hitch. They got into orbit, Col. Collins became the first woman shuttle captain, and the Chandra X-ray Observatory was launched. If only all those visiting dignitaries had the same patience I had! They were crowding the stands on Monday night, but come Thursday they were all busy doing their dignitary stuff. But, the really cool thing about night launches is how they light up the sky above the Kennedy Space Center.

And speaking of Kennedys, who else got sick of the coverage of the John F. Kennedy Jr. crash and funeral? It was impossible to get away from that! Every time I wanted to watch Entertainment Tonight to get the latest skinny from Hollywood, I was always presented with "And now, we talk to the cleaning lady of the cousin of the McDonald's employee who served a Big Mac to the man who repaired JFK Jr's TV set to see how she is affected by the loss." I'm sorry, but what did he do for the world? He gave us what many critics consider to be second-rate political magazine. Yes, this magazine editor will be greatly missed. Give me a break! Let's just have our respectful two minutes of silence and get on with our lives. I got on with my life every night after Entertainment Tonight when Hollywood Squares comes on.

And speaking of Hollywood Squares, I have a naughty little secret to confess. I seem to have developed a crush on Caroline Rhea. She, of course, plays one of those aunts on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and she seems to be on Hollywood Squares almost every second week. She is one of those Canadians who is lucky enough to have made it big in Hollywood, and she is quite the accomplished stand-up comic. If you ever catch her act, it is hilarious! But why do I have a crush on her? Well, let's see. She's got the whole blond haired/blue eyed thing that all men seem to go for. It's not like she's a total babe, but she is definitely above average. Being a comic, she's got a great sense of humor, plus she has this great smile. Besides, she's on TV so much, she's always there! I once read that it's OK to have a crush on TV personalities because they're always there. So, I guess it was going to be either Caroline Rhea or Claire Martin of ITV News. The only plus that Claire has got going for is that cute British accent.

And speaking of British people, my sister is currently traveling in Europe and should be hitting England in about a week. This is where I'm really envious of my sister right now. She's been saving her money for the past three years to go on this trip. Me? Whenever I get a sum of money saved up, I run out and buy a computer. Oh well, I shouldn't complain. A wise person once said "We have no fate but what we make." And besides, when she left, I got to go to the airport. The airport is just one of those places where I always get a good vibe. All the happy reunions, people excited about going off on an excellent adventure, there is just a good feeling about the place. Plus, there are lots of big, shiny airplanes.

And speaking of airplanes, remember a few weeks ago when I wrote of getting that little Lego biplane? Well, since then, I must have had three opportunities to go get it, but I squandered them. Why? I don't know. I got this little voice in the back of my head going "Are you sure you want to get that today? Why don't you buy that CD instead?" So, I bought the CD instead. That CD was the single for Wild Wild West by Will Smith. I'm am going to go broke on my next city trip, because not only will I be picking up my little Lego biplane, I'll also be getting the soundtrack for South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. I still have to get my hands on that soundtrack! The tunes, though vile and off-color, were just so catchy! And, as always, on my next city trip, I'll probably be seeing a movie. I have the rest of my summer all planned out: first, I'll do a double-feature day and see Wild Wild West and Inspector Gadget. Then, another double feature day to see Tarzan and The Iron Giant. We end things with Mystery Men. Yup, all planned out. All I need is a car, and some money. And then I can get out of the house!

Speaking of getting out of the house, I went for a walk on Monday night. A nice, long walk, like I used to take when I was free and on my own at college. First, I went walking through the woods near my house. But, walking in the woods on my own tends to freak me out, so I went out of the woods. Problem was, on my way out, I decided to explore a forgotten path, and it wasn't long until I found myself in someone's back yard. And of course, that someone had to be in their backyard. So, I answered their questions, and they were kind enough to direct me out of their yard. Then, I just did some general roaming around town, before I went back to my house, and back on my couch.

And speaking of my couch, that's where I spent the majority of my week! Well, I guess a week on the couch gave me a lot more to talk about than I had previously thought. But, I must admit that the couch is comfy, and I can get over the fact that Power Rangers is all re-runs. Maybe I should take advantage of the fact that Power Rangers is all re-runs and start writing that novel! I just don't know. I seem to be in some kind of a quandary. And, as a wise man once said, "If one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential quandary, full of loathing and self-doubt, and racked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence, at least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in that crazy old mixed up universe of ours, there's still a little place called Albuquerque." Good-night everybody!

Return to the Columns Page