Master of the Mechanical Things
I've always had a fascination with all things technological. Give me a screwdriver, and
I'll have a fun afternoon tearing stuff apart. At my old job at Extra Foods, one of the turntables
on one of the tills would always let out a dreadful squeak. While all the other cashiers would
complain to the store manager to get it fixed, I took a screwdriver in hand with the idea that I
could fix it myself. A few removed panels and half-a-can of WD-40 later, I stopped the squeak.
With such a mentality, I'm sure you would understand that it spreads to computers. Long have I
desired to just buy the raw parts and build my own Teletran-1. Darmok, my go-to guy for
computers, has continuously offered to walk me through the process. So, when my parents
bought a new computer, my eyes lit up. I might finally get my chance.
With every purchase of a new computer, there is always a transference. You sit down at
your old computer with a few dozen blank floppy discs (or blank CD's, if your old computer has
a burner) and you copy all of your vital files onto these discs. Then, you set up the new
computer, and spend the rest of the afternoon loading the old files onto your new computer. It's
the computer world's answer to reincarnation. When my parents bought their new computer, I
knew that such an afternoon would be on the horizon. In the grand tradition of many
technological advances, I thought to myself, "There has to be an easier way." As I began coming
up with ideas involving my brother coming up for the weekend and wiring a network into my
house, a much simpler solution soon presented itself. Why don't I just remove the old hard drive
from the old computer and install it in the new one? Then, the transference from the old hard
drive to the new hard drive would be a matter of points and clicks. Hell, I wouldn't even have to
do that. All of the old files would be there, at the click of a mouse.
I had convinced my parents to buy their new computer from Darmok, who now runs a
computer store in Camrose. When I was picking up the new machine, I ran my plan by Darmok,
to know if such a thing were feasible. Darmok said that such a procedure is becoming routine,
but that there is one tricky part. In computers, you have your "master" hard drive, which is the
main one, and your "slave" hard drives, which just sit there and store stuff. If I were to do this, I
would have to switch the old hard drive (which we'll call "Jadzia") over to slave, so the new
hard drive (which we'll call "Ezri") would be the master. Darmok said that it's just a little
switch on the back of the drive itself, and all I'd have to do is flip it. He even opened up my
parents new machine and showed me where I'd plug in Jadzia. I was ready to try this, and I
drove home with my parents new computer, knowing that there were only three things stopping
me from trying this: Mom, Dad, and my own self-doubts.
A couple of days later, when Ezri was up and running and my parents were pleased with
their purchase, I knew it was time to remove my first two obstacles. If it were me who had just
shelled out $1600 for a new computer, I'd have no problem trying this, as it would be me
mucking around inside of my machine and it would be me who would be out the $1600. But this
was Mom and Dad's machine. I ran my proposal by them, making them fully aware of the risks.
Worst case scenario: I screw up monumentally and kill both Jadzia and Ezri. Most likely
scenario: I just kill Jadzia. Best case scenario: I actually pull this off. My parents felt that the
best case scenario would win out. But, just in case, I fired up Jadzia one last time and backed-up
my parents's vital files. It has become my nature to be cautiously pessimistic. With my
parents's blessing, I shut down Jadzia's final session as a free hard drive.
I took my screwdriver in hand and began to open up the old computer. Somewhere in
that tin box sat Jadzia. I had removed all the screws, but the casing just wouldn't budge. How
did IBM slap this on the first place? I lifted. I pushed. I tugged. That's what did it. With a
stronger tug, the whole casing slid off of the front, and I was looking at the inside of the old
computer. I coughed slightly, as it was incredibly dusty inside. I began looking around for
something that resembled a hard drive. It wasn't long before I found Jadzia, lying naked and
exposed on top of the assembly. With the hands of surgeon, I removed her lifelines to the old
computer. I took Jadzia in my hands, and gently pulled. She wasn't coming. A quick
examination showed me that she was screwed in place. I took my screwdriver and removed two
of the screws with ease, but the other two weren't budging. It would take the strongest man in
the world to remove those screws, and like most little boys, I am convinced that the strongest
man in the world is my Dad.
I summoned Dad back to the office, which had become my surgical bay for the day. I
showed him the screws, explained my dilemma, and gave him the screwdriver with one simple
request: "Give it a shot." Dad put the screwdriver in place, and with a few groans of effort, he
got them to budge. I sat there watching him as he removed those screws. This is how I learned
most of my mechanical skills. When the screws were removed, Dad gave them to me with the
screwdriver and left. The student was once again the master.
I plucked Jadzia from the tin box that had been her home for the past five years. I took a
close look at this small grey box. Most of the information of the world is stored on little gray
boxes like this. I turned to the Jadzia's back, and that's where I saw the switch. I was hoping
that it would be a simple switch, saying "master" and "slave," but that was not the case. I was
presented with six little pins, and a small white plastic cap covering two of them. Surely,
flipping the switch meant covering two different pins with the plastic cap. But which two pins?
Time to go to my go-to guy. I picked up the phone and called Darmok. I explained my situation
and asked which two pins I had to cover. "Don't you remember what I told you?" said Darmok.
"It should be printed right there on top of [Jadzia]."
I took a look at Jadzia's topside. "It doesn't say anything."
"What?" Darmok blurted in disbelief.
I took an even closer look. "Oh, wait," I said. "Here it is." Right on top of Jadzia was a
rather large diagram showing me which two pins I had to cover. What do you know, I thought to
myself. It is a simple switch saying "master" and "slave." Darmok wished me well, and I was
once again on my own.
I carefully clutched the plastic cap with my fingernails and began pulling. The cap
moved slowly, slowly, then got a quick burst of speed. My heart skipped a beat as the cap gave
way, slipped from my fingernails and flew through the air. My heart sank as the white plastic
cap landed with a "click" on the white linoleum. I got down on my hands and knees and began
groping for the plastic cap. Believe it or not, the 20 minutes I spent on the floor was the most
labour-intensive part of this whole ordeal. As I began thinking as to what I could use to make a
new cap, my hand came down on something on the floor. I had found it. I breathed a sigh of
relief and kicked myself for not using tweezers to remove it in the first place. I took the cap in
hand, and once again consulted the diagram. With the simple insertion of a plastic cap, I sold
Jadzia into slavery.
Now, from what Darmok had shown me a few days earlier, this was to be the easy part.
The new computer was designed to be personally customized, so the casing opened up with the
removal of one screw. I looked through the insides to find Ezri, so new, snug in a nest of wires
and steel. Luckily, there was room in this nest for two, and I slid Jadzia in right above Ezri.
Screwdriver in hand, I secured Jadzia in place. I did some rearranging of wires, and soon Jadzia
was chained to her new master. I put the covers back in place, and hooked the new computer
back up. I held my breath as I turned it back on.
I started breathing again when the computer started showing Ezri's Windows 98, and not
Jadzia's Windows 95. Ezri was the master. But, I was concerned. Darmok had told me that, as
soon as I started up the computer, Ezri's Windows 98 should detect Jadzia, and the "plug and
play has detected new hardware" window should pop right up. No such window popped up.
When Ezri had finished loading Windows 98, I went to the "My Computer" window. Only one
hard drive was listed: Ezri. I felt a brief flash of worry as, for a moment, I felt as though I had
killed Jadzia. I quickly regained hope, though. Maybe I just connected Jadzia incorrectly! One
person would know for sure. It was time to go to my go-to guy again.
Darmok answered his phone and I explained the situation. Darmok was also puzzled. It
should have just popped up, he explained. He suggested we go into the computer's BIOS and
see if the computer itself knew about Jadzia. I restarted the computer and hit the key to get into
the BIOS. I went to the screens that Darmok told me to go to and read the numbers that Darmok
wanted to hear. Darmok was even more puzzled when he told me what the numbers meant: the
computer knew that Jadzia was there, but Windows 98 didn't. We continued with booting up
the computer, and when Windows 98 was online, Darmok had me check out hardware
configuration. I told him what I saw in the window, and again he was perplexed. It was saying
that Jadzia was there. Finally, out of curiosity, Darmok said, "Go to 'My Computer.'" I opened
up the window, and my jaw dropped. There was Ezri and Jadzia, side by side, as they were
supposed to be. I asked Darmok what went wrong the first time, and Darmok could only suggest
that maybe it didn't boot up properly. I thanked Darmok for his help, and he simply said, "I did
nothing, Scarecrow. It was all you." He was right. I did it. I was elated as I began going
through Jadzia to make sure she was still whole.
My parents have decided to keep Jadzia in our new computer. With all the vital files still
accessible, I have begun mass deletions of programs I've installed on Ezri. Within another few
days, Jadzia will be stripped down to her bare essentials; a veritable blank slate. And you know
what? It wasn't that much harder than greasing a squeaky turntable. I'm fairly certain now that,
with a screwdriver in hand, I can do anything. While Teletran-1 might still be a ways off, I am
just that much closer. And it all begins with the fascination.
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