Oh No! He's Introspective Again!
I hate it when I get this way. Occasionally, something will happen to me in my life
where, for the next few days, it will make me all moody and introspective. I begin to analyze my
short life in minute detail, and begin to ask myself "What is the purpose?" "Why am I doing
this?" "Is this all I'm destined to be?" I hate it when I get this way, because I become so
unpleasant to be around. But what's always weird is what sets off this mood. It's always the
littlest of things. This time, what set it off was watching the 25th anniversary special of Saturday
Night Live.
I know what you're thinking: "How could watching something so funny set off this
unpleasantness?" I've been wondering that myself. At first, I thought it was because they said
Conan O'Brian was going to be one of the presenters, but as the show drew to a close, he wasn't
on stage once. That depressed me. Then I started thinking "Wow. This show has been on for
25 years! That's amazing! What an achievement! Wouldn't it be cool if I were able to do
something that lasts for 25 years and shapes society, like Saturday Night Live has?" And that's
what set it off. That question, in which I began wondering if I had done anything that would still
be remembered in 25 years. I mean, I'm only 22, so if I wanted to do something that would still
be remembered in 25 years, I should have gotten it in motion when I was -3 years old. But I
didn't. And now, here I am. I haven't started anything big, grand, or world changing to be
remembered for years to come. I've done nothing with my life!
But then, I started cheering up. I thought "Hey! I'm only 22! Lorne Michaels was 30
when he came up with Saturday Night Live. I've got eight years still!" So then I start thinking
what am I doing right now to change things? What am I doing now that will still be remembered
in 25 years? And I'm doing. . .nothing. No one is going to remember me in 25 years! I'm
probably going to still be stuck in my parents basement, watching TV and writing this silly
column! I'M GOING NOWHERE! I'm stuck here! My life has become a swirling void of
nothingness!
Let's elaborate on the nothingness for a while. I knew that my life had become this void
just the other day. There was nothing much on TV, but soon I found something that caught my
eye. I must admit I found the program quite engrossing. It had action, drama, comedy, it was
perfect! Yup. You guessed it. I was watching. . .wrestling. The WWF to be specific. Now, I
know that there is nothing wrong with watching wrestling. In fact, my grandfather watches it.
And because he watches it, I've always seen it as being a program for old men. So, just I was
getting into it, I started thinking "Oh my god. I'm a young, virile 22 year old, but I'm acting like
an old man. Why? My life isn't over! I must find something else to watch!" Luckily, it was
time for Pokemon. I've got to stop watching that show, too. I'm starting to see homosexual sub-text between Ash and Pikachu. God, my life has gone nowhere fast.
This didn't help when I was watching my Star Trek reruns this morning. The episode
was "Tapestry." Remember that one? It's where Capt. Picard has a near-death experience, and
meets Q in the afterlife, and Q sends him back in time to when Picard was a fresh-faced young
ensign, and gave Picard the chance to change the future and avoid his death. It is one of the best
episodes of The Next Generation. But it's good for getting a person thinking. "Gee. What
could I have done differently in my childhood to change where I am now?" And you know
what? I could probably do squat! There was nothing wrong with my childhood! But the
episode did teach me one thing: we've got to take chances.
See, Picard changes the future, but finds that his life is changed. Instead of being a
captain, he's a lowly Lieutenant (J.G.). In his alternate life, he became a person who played it
safe, and never took chances. And that kept him from becoming a captain. So, maybe I've
never taken enough chances in my life. Maybe that's why I'm unemployed. It's scary out there,
and I don't want to take any chances. But, I have to if I don't want to be broke and living in my
parents' basement. It's starting to set in right now. I miss the freedom of being on my own. I
miss having my own phone line. But when I do move out, I'm going to miss cable. But, I have
friends, who'll tape me my shows until I save up enough money to get one of these little satellite
dishes! And who knows? Cable's not that much. All I really need is basic. I think. We'll see.
I have to get my own place, call whomever the local cable company is, and find out which
channels are in the basic package! But I need to take a chance. I've got to start putting myself
out there, looking for something. I've already set the goal for myself that I want to have a job by
Halloween. So, I've really got to knuckle down and start looking.
I can see it now: I get some little job somewhere, and my own little place. I spend my
days working and my evenings writing my novel. When the novel is published, I get a huge
advance on my second novel, so I quit my job and become a full-time novelist! A few years go
by, and I begin to get fed up at how the Hollywood system is screwing up the movie versions of
my books. So, I become a film-maker, so I can do my books justice on the big screen. I quickly
become the toast of Hollywood, and I am soon asked to be a guest host on Saturday Night Live.
Isn't nice how these things come full circle?
I can feel myself cheering up as I write this! Things aren't as bad as they seems. I've
still got a lot of life in front of me. I can still do great things. We are all capable of great things,
or at least that's what I've been lead to believe. We just have to take a chance. Will I be taking
a chance in the next few weeks? I hope so. Will I be employed by Halloween? I think I will be.
Will I do something that will shape society and change the world? Well, for an answer to that
one, I'll see you in 25 years. |